RE: New to the blog and have some questions

I don’t believe they can touch your retirement, but with the BK laws changes recently, that might have also changed. If it were me, I would not touch my retirement money. This is all you have for the future and he has already shown he can’t be responsible for spending control. It seems he wants a quick fix to avoid working on his own impulses, but there is a chance he’ll run those credit cards up again as soon as they are paid off. He’s already done it after you were married. I have made the past mistake of borrowing from my 401K at work, but never realized I was double taxing myself by paying for it with after tax money. I was broke, in school, and desperate for money to pay my bills. Of course, I still ran up those bills even after taking out the loans. So, I just borrowed money to finance my out of control spending.

I filed for BK in 1990, when I was 22. It was a hard lesson to learn. That BK haunted me for 10 years.

I would contact Credit Counseling Services. They will help get your interest rates down and work out payment plans with creditors. I had a friend who did it and she was almost paid off with everyone. I will never file for BK again. The stats show that if someone has done it once, they are more likely to do it again…not me.

Is he willing to let you take over the finances? Maybe that would help ease his mind a little. I control all our finances because my husband can’t balance a checkbook. If you handle the money, you might be able to make everything work out.

Good Luck! It’s tough to deal with debt. Suze Orman says if you owe twice what you make, you’re essentially Bankrupt. Well, that applies to my husband and me, but I’m still fighting to pay everything off.

I am sorry if my email wasn’t what you’re looking for or if I stuck my nose where it didn’t belong, I would just hate to see you lose your retirement money.


Sounds to me like, if your finances have always been seperate, that he is the one who accumulated that debt in his name only, right? In that case, I would not compromise the retirement plan in your name. Leave that alone. Your suggesstions to cut back on unneccessary expense are the best route to go to avoid bankruptcy (if that’s what you’d prefer. He sounds like he isn’t willing to pay the piper now that the debt has bombarded him. Living without cable, highspeed internet and other luxury services is doable- I still live without all that hooplah and I’m not even in debt anymore. I also did the very thing with cutting down on food costs and eating less – so I lost weight and got healthier while paying off my debt. I filled my life with other activities to make me happier than I was when I thought I needed all that “stuff”. And you seem like you have more financial sense and wisdom than he does. Don’t compromise your assets – since he is doesnt sound willing to change his debt situation by doing the work. Getting him out of the jam will more than likely cause it to occur again a few years from now. I’ve seen it happen in other marriages.

After you get a sense that the debt can be paid off by both of you pulling together as team and gaining a trust in your finances together – stop seperating your marriage financially. And don’t let him say anyhing of the sort that he is the one who earns all the money. You have a fulltime job as a SAHM especially with one autistic child. Could your husband possibly work a part-tine job along with his full-time job to earn added income?

New to the blog and have some questions

I am new to the blog and hope that perhaps some of you might have some useful feedback/advice for the situation my husband and I are currently experiencing.

We are a family of four. My husband’s monthly take-home pay is $3754.00. I am currently a SAHM. We have two sons, one of whom is autistic (6 years old, non-verbal) and one who is four and developing typically. We live in a rental apartment, $1425.00 per month.

Recently, my husband told me that he was 45K in debt. A year after we married (we are married seven years) I paid off 40K worth of credit card debt and I assumed that the accounts had been closed.

However, my husband claims that, since we live in an expensive area (Westchester County, New York) and I am not currently working, he had to take online payday loans here some months in order to meet household expenses and that, since credit card minimums were recently doubled, that it is becoming unmanageable. I believe that about $1900.00 per month is going toward the credit card debt.

He saw a credit counselor last year (Greenpath) and they recommended bankruptcy. My husband does not want to do this because, if he does, he feels we will never be able to own a house. He doesn’t seem to feel it would be useful to speak to another credit counselor, but I disagree.

However, while I was working and living at home (10 years after graduating college) I managed to invest some money every week and the accounts are now worth about 141K (mainly retirement accounts). What my husband wants me to do is to put money down on a house so he can roll the debt over using the house as security.

I have asked whether he could negotiate better interest rates, or speak with someone at Money Management International and work out a payment scheme for the debts, but he has not yet taken a step in this direction, to the best of my knowledge. I have the feeling he just wants me to make it go away again.

I would be happy to cut our budget to the bone, get rid of any unnecessary expenses (cable, go back to dial-up service for internet, purchase only generics, halt purchase of new consumer goods, make do with what we have, cut the grocery bills whatever way I could) but he is not being very responsive to my suggestions for cutting costs which is rather frustrating to me.

Also, he wonders if, in NY State, if he tried to file for bankruptcy, would his creditors attach my retirement accounts?? Frankly, I’m curious about this as well. Our finances have been separate since we have been married, most all of my assets are in my name only (since they were earned prior to our marriage).

If there is anyone out there who has been in a similar position I would greatly appreciate your feedback.