I have about 5 cents worth of opinion about marriage and financial matters

I have about 5 cents worth of opinion about marriage and financial matters. Remembering back to when I first met my husband (boyfriend then) – he saw the debt problem I had and told me point blank that if I continued to spend money as irresponsibly as that and not work with him as “team” we could call it quits right away.

This was when we wanted to just move in together and he was right.

We did not get married until my entire debt was paid off and we could afford a house together. We’ve been married about five years now and I have come to accept that he is and always will be more financially savvy than me, although I have learned and grown in that area a lot. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the man or woman in the family who has more financial sense- it’s usually one or the other and I firmly believe that it can’t be a “blow” to anyone’s ego. Let it go. It’s a team effort as a marriage and the reality is that the financial irresponsibility of one partner (man or woman) can cause two people who really love each to split up. IS that worth it? – NO. Man or woman must become humble and realize that it’s for the good of the LOVE they share and life they vowed to make for each other. Remember those good ol’ vows?

Get rid of the selfishness and stop thinking “I deserve this or that and I don’t want to feel punished” It’s kind of childish. I can say that because I had that attitude and it made me a very unpleasant person.

We never spend on large purchases without talking about it first, we budget everything out – so we may live comfortably and we agree on nearly all of our expenses upfront. We have budgets as personal spending allowances that we don’t have to account for every cent. I always do anyhow because I have gotten into the habit of doing that mainly because, it feels good to know where my spending money is going. This year we had almost no budget for Christmas (we are having our first baby – anyday now! and I stopped working just so we could get pregnant)I knew ahead of time -like in September that we werent going to spend anyhthing for X-mas presents, so I started saving a few dollars each week from my allowance to buy frames and I printed copies of my artwork, framed them and gave those to people as gifts. Everyone in our family loved them and we had a wonderful time together!

When a couple both have limited funds to live on – making finances a together task is really important for the stability of the marriage and the whole family.

I just want to clarify – that my last message about marriage and finances is directed toward the spouses who need to step back and let their partner take over the finaces for awhile – be it the man or woman.

Let them read my last post if they need the attitude adjustment.

I agree with other posts. Whatever you do DON’T TOUCH YOUR SAVINGS!!! That money is yours from before the marriage. Your husband needs to make some changes. Without those so hard changes he’ll get right back into debt and likely even farther than he is now.

Have you two ever considered marriage counseling?

Have you two ever considered marriage counseling. Sounds strange but my wife and I have separate finances as well. After 7 years of marriage we finally realize that our communication skills and our ability to compromise for the good of the family is just not there in a lot of ways. If you are in that much debt, canceling your magazine subscription or turning off the lights is not going to help any. My wife could cancel all her magazine subscriptions but if I can’t get out of Home Depot without spending $500 each visit, we’ll never get any were on our debt. Christmas eve about 11pm, the wife pulled down from the attic about $1000 worth of presents for the two kids. (years and 1 year) I had no idea she spent that much! We are not broke, so we can afford stuff, but why wasn’t that shared with me! I’m sure the boys x-mas would have been just as good on much less. Is that a spending problem or a marriage problem. I tend to think both. We haven’t been to marriage counseling.

I’d me interested if anyone in this group feels theirs is a relationship problem rather than a spending problem. Has anybody ever been to marriage counseling for debt management? I’d love to hear about it in the blog.

So therefore, he, the big ol’ Man-E-a-Man shouldn’t need ‘wifey’ to bail him out with the $800.00. Let him know there are consequences to his actions and do NOT bail him out.

Also, have you tried to speak with an SSA case worker or disability advocacy group? My fella’s sister has 2 kids, both very ADHD and Dillan (The eldest) was getting SSI based on the condition from the age of 3 1/2 years old.

Once he got SSI, he also got medicaid to take care of his medical expenses. I understand that the pre-marriage workshops in the Catholic church deal with money matters as well as all other aspects of marriage. Just my two cents.

Don’t know ALL of it because she lived in her own house (Her dad’s, actually) and not with us. Dillan needed the medicine and she was what I would call ‘Working Poor’. She got a wage, but not enough to afford medical care. IIRC, there’s also programs like “Healthy Families” which offers low cost healthcare to families with children under 18 I think.

As state to states can vary, you’d have to call or check at the SSA.gov pages for your particular state.